If a child is acting up in any way - having a meltdown, being defiant or having anxiety - it means that their nervous system has triggered them into fight, flight or freeze mode.

This means that their survival instincts have taken over, their lower brain is in charge and their thinking brain has gone offline.

As a result, it will be very hard for them to absorb words, instructions or any kind of verbal input. It might seem like they aren’t listening when in fact they simply can’t.

Trying to fix the behaviour by correcting them or offering solutions may backfire because their brains will not be able to process the words and it will most likely increase their stress response.

Their behaviour might get worse or they might temporarily go into freeze mode. This can look like compliance on the surface but on the inside they have shut down rather than returned to a calm state.

What they really need is to borrow our nervous system to help them co-regulate their inner storm. In these moments, they are much more likely to pick up non verbal cues - your body language, eyes, facial expression, posture.

If you are able to resist talking and instead offer warm, steady, calm non verbal cues, silently tuning in, it will offer them a safe harbour while the storm passes. Over time, this process will help them learn how to self regulate and ground themselves much more effectively.

And this is so incredibly hard to do!

In the heat of the moment, we often get triggered, lose our patience and start lecturing. Or we instinctively try to fix, solve or correct the behaviour - of course we do - this is a completely natural response. It takes repeated practice and support to be able to find the pause. But it is so worth it.

My short course helps you find that elusive pause and de-escalate challenging behaviour in a way that works and feels good. I show you the 5 key practices that make the biggest difference in terms of helping your child learn how to regulate their emotions. Click the link below for full details.