Tuning In

Introverts have a remarkable ability to tune in with our kids so that they feel really seen. We notice the small stuff. The look in their eye, the size of their pupils at different times, the subtlest shift in mood, their own energy levels, how they react to different people and experiences.

We can use these insights to really get to know them. We can reflect what we notice in a way that helps our children understand themselves. Enabling our kids to tune into themselves, understand their feelings, recognise their triggers and manage their emotional lives is a key life skill.

Connection

Introverts love connecting one to one. Spending time with each of your children on their own - even for a short time - can make them feel very special and deepen your relationship with them outside of the wider family unit.

It gives us a chance to focus on them and notice what is new without distractions, which is a luxury for our overstimulated brains. In turn, children simply love soaking up our undivided attention.

Quiet

Introverts don't overload children with talking and this leaves plenty of room for children to express themselves.

In fact being quiet is a secret parenting super power. When your child is having a meltdown it is far better not to talk. Or fix. Or correct. Just zip it. Their brains have gone offline so they won’t absorb any verbal input anyway. Just hold a quiet, safe space. Let them feel their feelings until the storm has passed.

Listening

We are world experts at listening. It is our primal skill. There is nothing more powerful than giving a child a good listening to. Real listening. No advice, no jumping in with solutions. Deep and present listening in silence is a magical tool for bringing deeper feelings to the surface.

If a child feels that they have been heard and understood on a regular basis, this will build self esteem, trust and connection which create the bedrock for healthy relationships.

Authenticity

Introverts tend to be non-conformist by nature. We know what it feels like to not fit in with the extrovert social norms. We can recognise and treasure the quirky individual nature of our kids. We don’t expect them to fit the mold and this gives them the freedom to be themselves without pretending. We delight in their idiosyncrasies.

This lays a foundation of confidence to be themselves in the outside world. Not subscribing to external expectations if they don’t meet our child’s needs can be freeing and feel very supportive.

The message they get is ‘I am ok - it is safe to be me.’ And if we can be our authentic selves with our children, even if that means feeling a little vulnerable at times, it creates a deeper bond.

Sensitivity

Our sensitivity gives us an ability to imagine what it might be like for our children as they encounter new experiences. It can be difficult to do this in the middle of a busy day but when we get a chance to quietly reflect, or to step back and observe, our empathy can be a powerful parenting tool to understand our children’s behaviour.

Slowing down

Despite their obvious energy, children actually benefit from an overall slower pace to family life. Children’s brains and bodies are growing all the time, they are learning and absorbing new experiences every day whether they are toddlers or teenagers.

So if life is go, go, go - it can be overwhelming for them - we are distracted, they are distracted - it is a recipe for dis-regulation and disconnection. Introverted parents are sensitive to overscheduling ourselves so we are in a good position to introduce a slower timetable that has plenty of breathing space.

This is a huge benefit to children, giving them time to process their thoughts and feelings. After all, it is often the simple things in life that children love - an icecream, a hot chocolate, curling up on the sofa to watch TV - low key, low pressure - time to decompress.

Daily Boost

Every evening when the kids have gone to bed, notice how you have used your introvert strengths as a parent each day.

“Stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others make you feel as if you have to race.” Susan Cain